


I was gone (and now I'm hers hers hers)

by listenup_folks



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: F/F, Lauren is heartbroken and Camila is as lovable as always, running away au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-07 04:26:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17953577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/listenup_folks/pseuds/listenup_folks
Summary: "I'm in love with your brother."A beat passes. Another. Another second."Just... Chris and I, we've been seeing each other for, god, for a really long time now and... Lo, I wanted so badly to tell you, but I didn't want things to be weird."Her ears are ringing."Please just say something, anything-""I'm happy for you Luce." Her voice cracks but she paints a smile over it."Lo-""I just... I need some time."(Or the one where Lauren runs and happens to bump into Camila on her way to nowhere)





	I was gone (and now I'm hers hers hers)

**Author's Note:**

> please let me know what you think !! also on Wattpad @ longerr_hours

"I'm in love with your brother." 

Lauren turns up her music, hoping it can tune out what Lucy had said hours ago. 

It's been on loop since the conversation she'd had with the girl, the conversation she'd thought was going to go over so so differently. 

"I'm in love with your brother." 

She can't stop repeating it in her head and it's driving her insane. 

She wants so badly to go back in time. Not just a few hours, maybe a few years. She also wants to smash her head through the window when the music does nothing to help take her mind off of the situation. 

Jesus fucking - why does she have to listen to sad music right now? Why can't she just-

There's a woman talking to her. She doesn't hear her, since her music is so loud but she can tell she's talking to her, and she's temporarily excited to have something else to think about. 

"I'm sorry, what was that?" she asks, popping out a headphone. 

"We're arriving at your destination in just ten minutes, I wanted to let you know," she smiles and oh, it's just the coach train attendant. 

Luckily being here is enough of a distraction though since Lauren did this so impulsively and now she's here and she's nervous. 

Lauren's always been one to follow a plan. She had things mapped out a month in advanced, she never did stupid impulsive things. 

That as always Lucy, that's why they were such good friends, they complimented each other so well and-

"I'm in love with your brother." 

"God," Lauren groans to herself, getting up and moving to grab her bag from the overhead since they're almost there and she needs to do something or her heart is going to explode. In a bad way, a really, really bad way. 

"We are now arriving at North Station," a voice begins over the speaker. "This is the last stop for today, the..." Lauren doesn't listen because she's too busy freaking out once she realizes that she actually got not the train and went through with this. 

She didn't think though, she just did. 

And that's how she ended up hours away from home with just a duffel bag and a backpack. 

She knows where she's going, thanks to the internet and craigslist apartment listings, but she has no plan from there, and it's new to her. 

She's luckily way too busy stressing out as she follows the transit route to where she's meeting someone to talk about a place to stay, to think about Lucy. By the time she makes it to the city she's going to call home for god knows how long, she's less sad and more anxious, but like honestly she'll take the switch of feeling. 

The bus drops her off a few blocks down from the Dunkin' Donuts she's meeting her maybe new land lord at, and she uses the quick walk to take in how nice the neighborhood is. She doesn't know exactly where the house she's planning to move into is, but she knows it's in this area and she's surprised and pleased at how peaceful it seems. Hell, there's kids on scooters and people walking dogs and it's just really happy. 

She finally gets there and scans the room for the woman she's supposed to be meeting. she isn't sure what she looks like, just that she's around her age and that she's already supposed to be there since Lauren is a minute late. 

So when the only other person in the coffee shop is a small dirty blonde lady who's smiling down at a book, Lauren makes her way over. 

"Hi," the girl looks up, and Lauren isn't surprised at how bright her smile is. Even over the phone she could tell this girl is like, the embodiment of sunshine. 

"Hello," Lauren says, hesitantly pulling the seat out, "You're Ally?" she asks just to make sure. 

"Yes! You must be Lauren," the other girl smiles and before Lauren can sit she's up and greeting her with a firm handshake. "It's nice to meet you."

"Yeah, thank you so much for being available today I just, it was an abrupt decision to move," Lauren explained finally sitting. 

"Of course, I'm a teacher so we had a half day today and I was just around the corner," Ally smiles, "We've only been looking for a few days but I looked over the stuff you sent me and you seem like a really good fit for the place."

"So it's a two family house?" Lauren asks, starting there because she honestly doesn't really know how these meetings are supposed to go. 

"Yes. The people who live down stairs are great! They've been there about two years and I don't think they're planning to leave any time soon," Ally smiles, and Lauren can tell she actually likes them and isn't just trying to sell the place. "They're two girls, around your age, I actually work with one of them and they're really great." 

The meeting gets more boring once they go over the rest of it, but somehow by the time the hour is over Lauren has a new place to stay and maybe a new friend, if Ally was being serious about getting coffee every now and then, or showing Lauren around the area (Lauren knows she was being genuine, she's like so overly genuine it's kind of nauseating [in a good way, Lauren just can't bare to think of trying to be that positive herself]). 

It's around noon by the time Ally is pulling up to the house with Lauren in the passengers seat. She really needs a car too. 

She likes the place. She'd liked it when she saw the pictures online, on her way here, and it all seemed very easy.

It's a cute city, and Lauren's grateful that she found a place to stay that's more in the suburb like area. It's a little neighborhood that's mostly old people and younger families with no in between. Or like, Lauren supposes she's the in between now. And those two girls that apparently live below her. 

It's very different from Miami. It's more north so the September bite of cold is a little bit different than she's used to, but it's not unwelcome. If anything it's nice, a kind of reminder of the change she's making. Not to mention the cold adds to her pile of things to think about instead of Lucy.

She knows she needs a car, and a job, and maybe some furniture, but she says good bye to Ally and decides to take a minute to just collect herself. The place came with furniture, thank god, and she takes a few laps around the place before settling into the bedroom. 

Lauren takes note to go to Home Goods later, cause she has zero pillows and blankets, and some small decor couldn't hurt. She doesn't know how long she's going to stay here, but she doesn't want to go back home so making this place as nice as possible isn't a bad idea. 

She likes decorating too. She remembers when her and Lucy first moved in together they spent hours in a home goods store and wasted way more money than they needed to on cute dish towels

She sets her clothes, or at least the small amount she has in the closet and drawers, and sets up the desk in the corner with her laptop and chargers, and that's kind of all she has. 

It's weird, and maybe she should be a little bit stressed, but once she's done with that she feels a new sense of relief from the constant state of worry she'd been in. It's nice for a minute.

She hears a door creak open and thinks about how easily annoyed she's going to get at that sound but then, "Wait." Why is the door opening? She doesn't get spooked easily, but she might start to if this new place is haunted. (She says she doesn't believe in ghosts but who doesn't believe in ghost?)

She slowly makes her way out of her room though, because she's totally not worried bout ghosts, and she makes her way towards where the door is creaking again.

"Umm.." Lauren starts once she gets the to living room, "Hello?" Lauren says, or asks, as she eyes the tall blonde girl in her living room. "Can I um... help you?" 

"Damn, you've got a nice couch," the girl ignores her, moving over to the couch (it's not really nice, Lauren paid like, nothing on craigslist for it). "I think it's pretty sleepable, I could take a nap right here," she continues, lying down on it and moving to get comfortable, still hardly acknowledging Lauren's presence. 

"Dinah you think everything is 'sleepable', like you could literally sleep on the ground in the driveway and be content. You know, as long as you get to sleep," another girl enters the living room, and Lauren doesn't really - did she leave the door open?

"Hi?" Lauren tries again, standing still in the doorway because she doesn't want to approach the strangers in her living room, they could be dangerous. 

The one lying down finally glances at her but makes no move to get up from where she's snuggled into Lauren's couch. 

"Hi," the dark skinned girl who'd come in second says, smiling at Lauren and wow she's pretty. "Sorry, we don't mean to barge in we've just been wondering about the new neighbor and you're finally here sooo, yeah" she explains with a shrug, "I'm Normani, and that's Dinah, we live downstairs."

Now it makes sense. Lauren remembers Ally saying the neighbors down stairs were... characters to say the least, and with one sprawled on her couch and the other now poking her head into the other rooms (nosey, but pretty enough to get away with it), she can see why Ally struggled to describe the girls. 

But she had said she loved them, despite the quirkiness, so Lauren tries to not be put off. 

"Oh, that's... well it's nice to meet you guys," she settles on. "I'm Lauren."

"We know," Dinah says again, sitting up to look at her finally. "We would've come up earlier but we didn't want to awkwardly have to meet you with the movers here." 

"Yeah, and this one didn't want to get out of bed," Normani adds, gesturing to Dinah. "it's only what, two in the afternoon? Like, girl," she says with a roll of her eyes. 

"Whatever," Dinah says, sticking her tongue out at Normani then turning to face Lauren again. "We thought it'd be nice to chit chat for a little though. The old lady that lived here before was a bit of a bitch. It'd be cool to have a friend upstairs."

"Oh," Lauren says, flattered, not expecting to have any friends any time soon, she considered herself bad at making them. "Oh um, yeah that'd be cool. Umm, I'm mostly done but..." she trails off, not knowing what the girls wanted to do. 

"You want to go down and grab some coffee at our place?" Normani asks, grabbing Dinah's arms and pulling her up. "We could give you the tour and besides, you look like you could use a break from all the moving?" 

And Lauren knows that she's like bullshitting cause the only furniture Lauren has is a couch, but she smiles. 

Their place is basically the same lay out as Lauren's but flip flopped. They enter and they're in the living room. Lauren isn't sure why Dinah freaked out about her couch since they have two comfy looking ones, but she thinks back on Normani's reply and smiles to herself. 

They walk to the small kitchen area and Lauren takes note of the somewhat bar set up they have and thinks maybe she should copy it. 

"So where'd you move from?" Dinah asks, once they've made their way into the kitchen and Normani has coffee brewing in an old looking pot. Not that Lauren's complaining, coffee if coffee. 

"Um, Florida," Lauren answers not being specific on purpose. 

"Hey our friend Mila is from Florida, maybe you two know each other," Dinah offers with a smile, and Lauren just like, she's smiling too but she just looks at Dinah until Normani adds for her-

"Bitch, Florida is a big ass state. A lot of people live there," Normani laughs, as she pours the coffee into three mugs, handing them to the other girls. She gives Lauren one that's cow colored with utters on the bottom. Funny, kind of. 

They have a cute sugar holder that reminds Lauren of her mothers, but she can't get to it because Normani grabs at it first and adds a spoon way too big for that small of a cup. 

She pulls out creamer and offers that to Lauren first who smiles in return. She isn't surprised when Dinah is just chugging hers black. That girl is way too quirky to not be jacked up on caffeine. 

"So?" Dinah asks, "what part of Florida are you from, new girl?" and like, Normani laughs and sips her coffee as Dinah ignores the previous comment. 

"Umm Miami," she answers hesitantly. "but actually I don't think I know anyone named, Mila?"

"Hmm," Dinah shrugs, "Mila is from Miami too though. You'll have to meet. Maybe you've seen each other before." 

"Dinah, the odds the they've - just because it's the same city doesn't mean it's not a super big city. It is," Normani explains like she's talking to a toddler and Lauren can't help but find their interactions endearing. "Like we don't know everybody that lives here, and I think Miami is bigger than here," she elaborates, putting her drink down and adding another spoon of sugar. 

Lauren likes their personalities, they're funny together. 

She stays down with them for a while, just getting to know the basics of their lives and seeing how they interact with one another. They're both abnormally funny as well as abnormally nice. 

She though they were dating for a split second but Dinah has brought up like, four different guys she's talking to and Normani is more straight the longer Lauren stays down there. 

"What about you Laur," Normani asks once Dinah clings to the topic of dating. "Got any special someones?" 

"Ha, no," Lauren kind of laughs but her chest starts to hurt a little and 

"I'm in love with your -"

Okay that needs to stop happening. 

"No I um, I haven't seriously dated anyone since my last girlfriend," she casually throws in because she hates coming out as a big deal but she doesn't like people thinking she's a het.

"Oh so you're a lady lover?" and of course Dinah is wiggling her eyebrows, Lauren really should've seen that coming despite the fact that she's only known her for a couple of hours. "Okay girl, I would totally hop on you if I were into that, how on earth are you single?" 

"Haha," Lauren laughs, kind of awkward when receiving compliments, "I've just been keeping to myself. not for any reason..." she trails off, not wanting to talk about a certain someone. "But I might try to start dating again up here, now that I've started fresh why not, right?"

"Sounds like a good plan to me," Normani agrees, pouring herself her third cup of coffee (Lauren thinks it's more sugar than coffee, but like whatever).

"You know," Dinah starts and Lauren can tell by the smirk on her face that, "Mila is into girls too, and let me tell you she's one hell of a looker. Like that ass girl I'm as straight as they come but sometimes I even want a taste of that cake," and Lauren doesn't know Camila but Normani slaps Dinah's arm for her.

"Don't objectify Mila like that," Normani scolds, but Lauren can tell she's mostly joking. 

"I'm just saying," Dinah shrugs, "plus they'd be hot together, try to tell me they wouldn't be." 

"Eh, I guess," Normani agrees, and Lauren is blushing but she thinks Normani is going to be a good friend because she catches Lauren's flushed face and changes the subject, "are you going out tonight, or can we watch the bachelor?"

And just like that Lauren has more plans with her down stairs neighbors. 

-

It's been about a month since she's left and Lauren thinks she really likes it here. 

Her job at the coffee shop isn't too bad. Her manager is a 28 year old guy who barely shows up which is kind of annoying but also takes away the stress of having someone hovering over her. It's a decent way to make tips since not a lot of other people work, and it's a decent way to kind of make at least acquaintances.

Harry is her only like friend so far there. He's the other barista that a actually shows up and he's British and funny and he writes music so maybe sometime she'll check it out. She doesn't necessarily think they'll be close friends but it is helping her get the social interaction that she needs, you know, to not go absolutely insane. 

The other parts of her social interaction come from Dinah and Normani and sometimes Ally. 

Dinah and Normani were a little bit pushy at first, a little bit loud, but they've really gown on Lauren over the past month. She spends most of her weekends with them, at least in the day. They usually go down to the coffee shop since Lauren isn't working and sit for hours on end talking about the little things that happened over the week. 

Dinah usually tells loud stories that she thinks are really funny, and the other two laugh along because like, they aren't that funny but the youngest girl's delivery is flawless. 

Normani usually updates them on the drama at her work. She teaches with Ally, which is actually how the three know each other, but apparently there's way more drama to elementary teachers than one would guess. 

She usually has some plot twist after plot twist filled story about her psycho co workers doing god knows what, and that combined with Dinah's hilarious side bar comments make for a pretty good source of entertainment. 

Lauren doesn't talk as much as them, but they don't seem too bothered by her quietness. They listen when she does talk, and Lauren really likes being listened too so it makes her like them even more, but they don't push for more when she doesn't offer more. 

She talks about life here though. She updates them on her two new jobs and the little things that happen with her coworkers, which granted aren't as funny as Normani's stories but they always listen and comment and it makes Lauren feel appreciated in a way she isn't used to. 

It's nice. 

She stays busy to distract herself for the times it isn't nice. She doesn't like the idea of being alone because she's not ready for her thoughts to wander back to Lucy and her brother and that fact that-

"Im in love with your brother."

But it's a bit different, and Lauren notices, appreciates the change from being heartbroken to just being kind of bummed out. If she was still around them she's sure she'd need more than a month to get over it, but she hasn't really talked to them other than snap chats and some facebook comments so she's getting the space she needed to get over it. 

Still though, if the girl you've been falling for for years told you she was dating your brother, you'd be having a hard time totally moving on too. 

Lauren's second job is a little more stressful but a lot more helpful in keeping her mind off of everything she doesn't want to be thinking about. 

Waitressing is something she's always thought she should do, but never wanted to do. She's heard about how horrible it is, but also about how humbling it can be. She's worked in a grocery store, so she thinks she knows how shitty people can be, but this job is something she's glad she's gotten. 

It was stressful the first couple of weeks but now she's four weeks in and pretty sure she's at least kind of gotten the hang of it. 

It's a place down the street from her house, a restaurant/ pub, Grouch's Eats, and like, Lauren thought the name was a little bit weird but the food is actually amazing. She'd come here with Dinah and Normani on her first weekend here and they'd been hiring so she took that job without really thinking about it. 

She's glad that she did too, because not only is the job a learning experience (which is something Lauren wanted to gain out of running way), but Dinah and Normani come here all the time so it's a nice comfort to be working and have your not so annoying, annoying friends heckling you (lovingly of course). 

Like right now though. She sees them come in from out of the corner of her eye and then she sees Dinah spot her and then she hears her, because of course Dinah has to demand her attention. 

"New girl!" her voice loudly calls for Lauren's attention as she makes her way over to their table. She doesn't know why Dinah has to yell, she's already coming over. But like, it's kind of nice to have someone so relatively new but so excited to see her. "New girl, what's up? I didn't think I'd catch you today," she continues, smiling as brightly as she always is.

Lauren doesn't really mind being called 'new girl', (not that she could be annoyed at Dinah at all since the girl is a literal human golden retriever) but like, it's been a little over a month since they met, a little over a month of being friends and bonding. Normani calls Lauren by her name. So she doesn't really get why Dinah sticks to 'new girl'. 

But like, she doesn't care too much. She likes Dinah. 

"Hey Lo," Normani greets from her seat across from Dinah, and Lauren smiles at her before sparing a glance at their new companion, a smaller brunette woman who's watching her curiously. 

She quickly diverts her gaze back to Dinah when she makes it back to her eyes and green meet brown and a spark shoots up her spine. Weird. She ignores it though and decides not to look at her for now. 

"Yeah, I'm on Tuesdays. You should know that by now," Lauren replies with a shrug and a smile. "Anyways, can I get you guys something to drink? The usuals?" 

"Slow down, new girl," Dinah says with a hand up jokingly. "How have you been? It's been a hot second, right? How's your waitressing experience going?" she asks, and Lauren really likes that even though it's only been two days and they aren't that close yet, Dinah is curious as to how she's been. It's sweet. 

"It's pretty good," Lauren offers in reply, writing down 'water with lemon x2' because she wants to chat but she can't just stand still without feeling awkward, she always needs something to do with her hands. 

"Oh," Dinah says as if suddenly remembering, and turns to the mystery girl next to her who's still looking at Lauren with a hint of a smile in her eyes. "This is Camila, she's the other pea to our pod we're always talking about. She just got back from... a thing," Dinah stops abruptly at the last part but Lauren pays it no mind, smiling and reaching across Dinah (she doesn't care if it is rude, they're kind of friends, whatever) to shake the girls hand because why not. 

"It's nice to finally meet you," Lauren smiles, "they talk about you a lot so it's nice to put a face to the name," she continues, sucking in a sharp breath at how cold Camila's skin is. She isn't usually one to use those weird formality, polite things that people always use fr some reason so she stops there, blushing slightly when Camila's eyes find hers again. 

It feels like she's looking directly into her soul and maybe even a little further. 

(She likes it.)

"Yeah you guys will be seeing a lot more of each other, I mean at least probably, since Mila never goes back to her own place," Dinah jokingly shades, shooting an eye roll at Camila who smacks her in the arm. "Owe!"

"We want wings," Normani says before Dinah can continue with her updates for Lauren.

"I can do that," Lauren answers, writing it down, actually like, she'd already written it down because it's an unspoken thing for Normani, but she does put a 'x2' because she can hear the urgency in her friends voice. 

She watches them for the rest of the night, sometimes going to serve them, sometimes going over to talk a little bit when Dinah demands it. 

She notices that Camila's smile seems to never fully fade. That her eyes are a light brown and her face is delicate and hr features are perfect. She notices that she chugs her water at a rate that Lauren can't even keep up with and she notices that despite coming off as shy she isn't, not really. 

After that night, Camila is around more. Lauren isn't sure where she lives, but she finds her asleep on Dinah and Normani's couch the next day when she goes in to borrow their coffee pot. 

She's shocked to see the girl sleeping at first, because she's pretty sure Dinah and Normani are both at work. But they have talked about her a lot in the past, and she doesn't think Camila live there but maybe she's close enough to be there without them. Then Lauren takes a step back and thinks, hell, if they trust her after just over a month to be in here without supervision, then Camila's probably fine. 

She tiptoes over to the kitchen once she notices her though, already feeling bad and a bit relieved that her loud opening of the door hadn't woken her up. 

She gets in there and gets the pot brewing, but she drops the top of the trash open too hard when she throws out the empty bag of ground coffee (she has more for them upstairs, don't worry) when Camila does wake up.

Lauren cringes as the metal top drops and makes a loud clanking noise with the bin part of the trash. 

"Mani," a voice calls, and Lauren almost flat out moans at how hot Camila's raspy just-woke-up voice is. "Is that you?" she calls and her voice isn't getting closer, which Lauren assumes means that the younger girl is still on the couch, so she steps back from the pot to poke her head around the corner. 

She's greeted by Camila standing and stretching her arms above her head, causing her shirt to ride up and reveal her stomach and like, Lauren's snapped out of her staring by a cleared throat. 

Lauren can feel how hot her cheeks are but she ignore sCamila's teasing smirk, plays it off saying, "It's me, sorry I was just making coffee, didn't realize anyone would be here," Lauren explains, "sorry, I didn't men to wake you up," she continues, not really knowing where to stand or what to do with her hands. 

"It's cool," Camila says smiling back at her and grabbing her phone to check the time. "Dinah should be back any minute now, you're welcome to join us for lunch?" 

Camila is cute and she's sweet and Lauren thinks this crush is going to develop more quickly than she would like. 

"Umm," Lauren starts, moving to perch on the other couch, "yeah actually that'd be... that'd be nice. I was just grabbing coffee though, I know you're just getting back so if you guys want to catch up-"

"Nonsense," Camila says and Lauren believes her. "You guys are close now, I mean obviously," she laughs, "if you're cool enough to come in without an invitation," and Lauren blushes but she knows Camila is just playing so she laughs. "It'd be nice to get to know each other too. Plus like, I'm going to be around a lot more soooo," she trails on and smiles again (Lauren wonders if her face gets tired from smiling). 

"Okay yeah that sounds good then," Lauren smiles back. "I'm just gong to go change real quick I'm still in work clothes," she gestures to her white t shirt and black pants from the coffee shop. She flushes brighter than before when she watches Camila carelessly let her eyes rake down her body, licking her bottom lip before meeting her eyes again and she's smiling so smugly but so innocently Lauren doesn't know how to begin to read her. 

"We'll come get you when we're leaving," Camila replies, moving past Lauren and into the kitchen, where Lauren remembers her coffee is boiling. "How do you take it?" Camila asks, pulling out two mugs and moving over to the sugar pot. 

"Oh, um, just some sugar is fine," she replies, watching as Camila pours two cups, grabbing the cram and measuring out a tablespoon exactly with her tongue stuck out between her teeth in concentration. 

"You work in a coffee shop, right?" Camila asks, as she hands Lauren her mug, continuing at Lauren's nod, "So how are you not sick of this? Haven't you been there all day?" she spills some on her hand when she brings her own cup to her lips and gasps at the sting before shrugging and chugging some anyways and Lauren finds her personality as a whole just a little bit endearing. 

"Yeah I mean, normal people would probably be sick of it," Lauren starts, perching on the counter to chug her coffee before she goes upstairs. She had been planning to take it up with her but if Camila wants to talk then Lauren wants to talk. "But I kind of have a coffee addiction. Like since I was 16 I've been drinking a few cups a day, so I don't think I'll ever be too sick of coffee to say no to one. Like really in high school all I did was drink coffee." 

There's a flash of something other than the smile that Camila has had on this whole interaction, but it's gone before Lauren can capture what it was and Camila is talking before she can ask. She forgets about it, kind of. 

"That reminds me of something I saw on Tumblr," Camila laughs, "it was like 'there's never a tie that I wouldn't want an iced coffee. Even if I already have an iced coffee, I still would like another iced coffee,'" And like, it isn't even that funny, like that quote worthy, but Camila is laughing so hard at it herself that Lauren can't help but laugh along. 

Camila has a nice laugh. 

"That's good," Lauren agrees once the laughter has died down, "But yeah, that's basically me. I know it's bad for me but-"

"Fuck what's bad for you," Camila cuts in and Lauren almost moans at how hot her voice sounds swearing, god. "Life is short, if you want three cups of coffee a day, drink three cups of coffee a day. If you want ten cups a day, go for it, girl," she smiles, raising a fist in passion, in a nerdy, dorky, goofy, adorable way pretending she's supporting some kind of movement. 

"Hey hoes," Dinah enters, and Lauren had been so caught up in Camila that she hadn't processed the door shutting or the footsteps, but Camila seems equally as shocked and she's flattered that maybe she's a distraction to the other girl too. 

"Honey, I'm home!" Camila jokingly yells and flings herself into Dinah's arms, once again spilling her coffee before abandoning the cup on her counter (Dinah would like, kill her if she spilt it in her). 

From that point forward, Camila becomes almost as much a part of her new life as Dinah and Normani. 

Camila is quiet a lot of the time, but Lauren has learned through observation that it isn't really anything to do with Lauren, more so who Camila is as an individual. 

She spends more free time than she'd like to admit wondering about the other girl. About her past, about her job, about whether or not she's dating anyone (she remembers that Dinah said, before she's met Camila, that she has been single forever and tries not to smile too much about that fact). She wonders about her favorite song and her favorite color, about her job, abut why she left Miami. 

She thinks about her a lot. she doesn't deny the fact that she has a crush, but she tries not to spend too much time thinking about actually doing anything about it. There's a certain mystery lying around her and Lauren can't help but be intrigued, can't help but want to know all of the answers to the questions she doesn't know to ask yet. 

Lauren can see that Camila is so close with Dinah and Normani, but she tries not to be jealous whenever Camila whispers a joke to them or inserts a witty side comment. She seems like the type of person to attach very permanently to her friends, but also to take some time to fully warm up to, so Lauren doesn't worry too much, just enjoys when Camila laughs at her jokes or asks her about her day. 

-

Lauren notices sometime around Halloween that she hasn't though about Lucy in an unknown amount of days. She decides to call her and she finds herself genuinely smiling catching up with her friend. 

She has plans with Dinah to go decor shopping (finally) when she hangs up so she doesn't spend any time lingering on the conversation. 

-

Dinah and Normani always talk a big game about going out and having wild, party nights, but Lauren has never actually seen them go out. Not until a week and a half after Camila comes back anyways, and Lauren shouldn't be surprised by it, she supposes. 

Dinah had told her they were having people over since it was 'their turn to host', she'd said it with a groan of annoyance, as if it was unfair that they'd ever have to do such a thing. 

Lauren was going to be working, but she promised to come by when she was home. Only she didn't expect a 'few people' to be enough people to fill Dinah and Normani's section of the house. 

It takes her a few minutes to force her way up into her apartment and it takes her even longer to change into something that's hot enough but not too out there. She still hasn't really went shopping, she still really needs to go shopping. 

She's not really the type to go out. That was always Lucy. She didn't really think to buy party clothes because without Lucy she didn't think she'd have any need to go to a party. 

Obviously, she didn't think hard enough about the fact that Normani and Dinah could probably drink her other friend under a table. (AN idk the fuckin expression leave me alone if it's wrong)

Eventually though, because she told them that she would, Lauren makes her way down to the party. 

An insecure voice in her head is telling her that they wouldn't actually notice. It's telling her that they just let her tag along but they're with their actual friends now and Lauren doesn't actually have to go. 

"Lauren!" Dinah's drunk self screams as soon as she spots her green eyed friend though, and Lauren tells the voice to go fuck itself. 

"I'm so happy you made it," Dinah says once Lauren makes her way over, getting a mouth full of Dinah's hair when she wraps her arms around Lauren in a drunk, overly enthusiastic hug. 

"I am too," Lauren smiles, "see you had some fun without me," she teases at Dinah who's halfway through a bottle of something that Lauren can smell from where she's standing. 

"We did," Dinah laughs, offering Lauren a sip who wrinkles her nose in disgust shaking her had no thanks, "Mani, Mila, and I pre gamed. Or like, Mani and I did, tight ass bitch other one wouldn't party with me," Dinah glances off to the side and pouts like she's actually made at Camila. 

"Camila's here?" Lauren asks, and like, she may be too overly happy about that fact but shut up, she's allowed to be. 

"Ooo, somebody's excited about that," Dinah smirks and makes a childish kissy face at Lauren. "Not sure where she is but she's somewhere, probably coupes up by herself."

"I'm going to go try to find her and Mani, say hey," Lauren says, "be careful please," she says, only half kidding as she leaves Dinah on the not so much a dance floor and Dinah dancing alone but like, whatever.

"Good luck," Dinah calls after her, already finding a new dance partner to pay attention to. 

She finds Mani first, which is nice, because she loves Mani, but it sucks because Normani is with some friends in the kitchen and Lauren ends up stuck socializing for a while. 

She meets some nice people. Zara, Hailee, and Zac are the main ones actually contributing to the conversation, and at first she doesn't really want to interact with anyone, but she ends up having a pretty nice time talking to them. 

Eventually though, she spots a certain someone over Zac's shoulder making their way outside and she needs to catch Camila because if Camila is leaving than this will have been for nothing. 

She tells them she needs some air but that it was nice to meet them, and then she stumbles out her neighbors screen door eventually. She'd had trouble having to push through wayyy too many sweaty bodies for her liking, inhaling deeply when she flings open the main door the the small front deck. 

She isn't surprised when Camila is still there. 

She's out sitting here a lot though, so Lauren isn't surprised to see her perched on the porch swing with her feet propped up on the deck rail and a pen dangling from mouth as she eyes her sudoku book with the most concentration Lauren's seen since high school. 

She's always sitting here, it's kind of her thing to be out on the porch at night and Lauren thinks it's one of those really cool things about Camila. 

Lauren thinks Camila would look cool with a cigarette. She thinks everyone would look cooler with a cigarette to be honest, but like, obviously she's glad the other girl doesn't have the habit. 

(Still, like, sometimes Lauren thinks so what if it'll kill you? If you look cool doing something isn't that worth not having to live as long? She tries not to think about it though, because she quite likes how healthy she is and she's sure it would only take a few more minutes of contemplation for her to smoke a whole pack just for aesthetic.)

She just like, she thinks Camila is kind of intimidating, despite knowing from Dinah that the girl is a total dork. She's so mysterious and quiet and nice but with a hint of hesitance in every move and Lauren is kind of entranced by her.

"Hey," Lauren breathes out, after letting her presence be known and leaving the air still between them for another moment. 

"Having fun?" Camila asks, not taking her eyes away from her sudoku book. She never really does, Lauren supposes, so she doesn't take it personally.

"Um.. yeah, your friends definitely know how to party," Lauren chuckles, trying not to seem as out of place as she feels. 

Camila snorts at that so Lauren guesses she didn't do too good of a job at hiding it. 

"Yeah a little too well," she jokes, finally bringing her eyes away from her book and stealing Lauren's breath with a small smile. "It usually quiets down by 2 though," Camila says, seemingly trying to reassure Lauren. "Dinah finds a man and Normani falls asleep... or the other way around... depends on the week." 

Lauren laughs at that because she might not know them as well as Camila does but that does sound like them. "So that means only... three more hours of having to act like I wouldn't rather be in bed, sounds great," Lauren jokes back.

Camila laughs at that and Lauren thinks maybe an angel gets its wings every time it happens. 

"Can I tell you a secret?" Camila says once she's done laughing. At Lauren's nod she continues, "I tell them I go out for police watch, but really I just hate parties," she grins up at Lauren and Lauren can't help but laugh loudly at the admission. Camila hadn't exactly seemed like the party type before, but when Lauren saw her earlier she seemed really in her element . Lauren supposes she's just a people person. 

"Don't tell them, or else I'll have to get you back," Camila winks, and Lauren has to look away to hide the blush covering her pale skin. 

It gets quiet after that, as Camila turns her attention back to her game and Lauren perches on the rail. She's not sure how she's already comfortable enough to just sit with Camila since normally Lauren is the type to fill any silence with rambling, but she is, so she enjoys it. 

She's always thought comfortable silence is overrated but right now with Camila scribbling in the wrong numbers on her sudoku and the muffled Brock Hampton heard from inside, Lauren can't help but want to take back every negative thought she's ever had about comfortable silences. They're just so... comfortable when they're spent with Camila. 

"You can always keep me company out here," Camila says suddenly, once again not taking her eyes away frothier sudoku (Lauren sees she's got the number wrong again, scribbling it out with a purse of her lips). "I might not be very good entertainment but-"

"I'd like that," Lauren replies before Camila can finish. 

Camila looks up then to smile at her. It's just a small smile, but Lauren thinks she feels a flutter in her stomach. 

She smiles back and ignores whatever it was. 

-

Her friendship with Camila gets stronger after that night at the party. Camila is still quiet, and Lauren still spends most of her free time wondering about her, but she laughs at Lauren's jokes more, and the little jokes she used to make under her breath towards one of the other girls are now made for Lauren to, and unlike the other girls Lauren appreciates them (she thinks that's why Camila tells her more, because every time Lauren laughs Camila smiles like she's just struck gold).

It's nice being closer with all of the girls now, and he shift is probably noticeable to everyone but nobody makes it awkward. 

Camila has like, one of the most beautiful minds out of anyone Lauren's ever met. she's quiet, but not all the time, just when she's thinking. Lauren always wants to know what she's thinking about but it's kind of hard to ask without feeling like her heart is going to explode. 

She values words and what they carry and so Camila only really talks when it's necessary. Or when she needs to make a joke, which she always says s necessary. 

Dinah and Normani usually fill the time talking about their drama, and Camila laughs along with Lauren offering comments here and there, and it's so nice to have friends that don't come with stress and heartache. 

Or like, at least not usually. 

Lauren does get stressed though when she miscalculates who's around and ends up with plans with just Camila. 

The first time she hangs out with Camila alone is the most stressed Lauren has been since she moved to this city with no plan at all. They're just going to get coffee at the Dunkin' down the street (Camila, Dinah, and Normani call it Dunkies? Apparently people say that?), but she doesn't know what to wear, what to order, what to say to not make a total fool out of herself. 

She had asked int he group chat if anyone is around to get coffee before their lunch plans later since she was bored, and she wasn't surprised when Normani couldn't cause of work, but then Dinah couldn't either and Lauren really should've thought about how nervous Camila makes her because Camila replied 'I'll meet you at yours?' and Lauren has no idea what to do. 

Camila shows up though before Lauren can literally die form overthinking. 

"Hey Lauren," she says, and Lauren likes that Camila calls her by her full name. everybody had always called her Lo, or some form of the nickname, and it feels special that Camila doesn't use it but sticks to her full name. She also loves the way her name sound coming out of Camila's lips. "You look good," she says with a. smile and Lauren blushes as eyes track over her body then back up to her face, "ready to go?" 

And they walk, talking about whatever they can think about until they get to Dunkin'. 

"So you're from Miami too," Lauren starts the conversation once they're both seated with there drinks, not really knowing why she's bringing it up but not being able to stop herself from getting more answers about who Camila is. 

"Yeah, I am," she answers, "I was actually born in Cuba, but when I was six my parents and I moved here."

"Really? That's cool, I'm Cuban too," Lauren replies with a smile taking a sip of out of her reusable straw (save earth) before continuing, "I've never gotten to visit, never left the country actually, but my grandparents come over a lot for big dinners and I love the culture." 

"That's sweet," Camila notes, "my grandparents still live over there but we've went back to visit a few times."

"Why'd you leave Miami?" Lauren asks, hoping it isn't as big a reason as Lauren's own. "Or just liked the pace up here better?"

"Mmm," Camila hummus in thought (AN yes I know that says hummus, I think it's funny so im leaving it there), "I needed new scenery, I just wanted to start fresh. My parents still live down there, and I really love to visit them and my little sister, but I need to get away."

"I didn't know you have a sister," Lauren says, chaining gah topic once she gets her answer. She doesn't want to push now, because a change of scenery sounds an awful lot like why Lauren moved away. "I have a sister too. And a brother."

"Yeah she's 12 and she's my favorite thing in the world," Camila smiles, thinking about her little sister. 

"My sister is still 17, but my brother is 23 now, so he's closer to me, but I have to agree, they mean more to me than anybody does," Lauren agrees with what Camila had said, smiling herself thinking about her family. She misses them.

"Wait," Camila says furrowing her eyebrows. "How old are you?" she asks and Lauren gets confused. She's 25. Dinah and Normani are both her age so she'd kind of just assumed Camila was as well. 

"25," she answers, furrowing her own eyebrows at Camila. "Are you not?" 

"I'm 23," she says, "I always forget other people have different ages." What?

"What?" Lauren laughs, totally endeared by the pout on Camila's lips in protest to Lauren laughing at her. 

"Like you know, when you're a kid everyone is just the same age since you only really see your own grade," Camila explains, "so now that I'm not a child- don't say anything," she stops at Lauren's grin there, "now that I'm not a child, it's weird that all my friends are older than me. I used to be so intimidated by older girls, but now I don't even notice. It's just a little weird, that's all. Kind of funny." 

"I guess that kind of makes sense," Lauren says, not really agreeing but she can see where Camila is coming from. "So did you just gradate college? Or did you not go through that ramen filled, stress filled time?" she jokes. She doesn't want to assume Camila did because she doesn't like to assume things about peoples career paths. She doesn't think it should be expected that person would go to college, it's expensive and not always necessary. But she does want to know more about Camila. 

"I didn't go" Camila answers, face not as bright for a second, "umm, something came up and my family couldn't afford it," she offers, "I might go back but honestly now that I know you can live without it I kind of just think it's a waste of money. No offense of course if you went to college, like it's good to have an education, just not all that necessary."

"No I totally agree," Lauren replies really liking how Camila explained it the same way she would have. "I did go to college, but I got a liberal arts degree and now I can't find a job. It kind of sucks to still have college loans but I'm working a lot, and luckily my parents have some money to help me keep my head above water." 

"That's good," Camila says, drinking her own drink, not a coffee a blue raspberry collate despite how cold it is outside. 

The conversation flows easily for another hour and before they know it Dinah is calling them asking them where they are, and demanding they hurry up cause she's hungry.

They're walking back to the house to meet Normani and Dinah when Camila does emoting unexpected. They're making more small talk, mostly about the weather since they're both so not used to the cold, when Camila changes the topic. 

"Would you like to go on a date with me?" Camila asks, out of nowhere and Lauren almost trips over her own two feet. 

"Me?" Lauren asks, and like it's a dumb thing to say, really dumb since Camila is looking at her and they're walking alone so who else could she be talking to? 

But Camila just smiles at her and answers, "Yeah, you. I like you and I'd also really like to take you out sometime." 

Lauren never knew something could be so easy. She's never had the balls to just ask someone out. She'd always just pine away until finally something snapped and they made a move or she kissed them. But Camila being able to ask her out in broad daylight like it's no big deal? Lauren thinks it's kind of hot. 

"Yeah," Lauren answers after realizing she hadn't given the obvious answer yet. "Yes, yes definitely I would," she slows down when she sees Camila smirking back, "I would love too." 

Camila smiles back at her, that bright smile where her tongue sticks between her teeth and her eyes light up like the moon, and then grabs her hand, holding it for the rest of the walk back to met Normani and Dinah. 

Camila's tongue is blue and Lauren's heart soars higher than the clouds. 

-

 

The date is the next week and if Lauren thought she was nervous for their Dunkin' run the week before, then she's absolutely petrified right now. Camila picks her up though, classy and sweet as ever, opens the door to her passenger side for Lauren and drives carefully down the street, making a joke about how she's gay so she's not too good at this. She didn't know what to expect at all, but Camila tells her she has food planned and had mentioned to dress casually. She's a little concerned when they're driving for like, half an hour, but the ride is pretty nice. She tells Camila about her life, and the conversation is so natural, so easy, it almost amazes her just how perfect it is. She leaves out the recent parts, but she tells her stupid stories about pranks her, Chris, and Taylor would pull on each other, and she tells her about her favorite high school teachers, and she tells her about her dog dash and how he's the most precious thing (other than maybe Camila). "You're sure you're not going to kill me out here?" Lauren asks, gripping Camila's hand and grimacing when she hears a tug snap a few meters from where they are. Camila had pulled into a "Blue Hills" reserve, seemed to be a section of the Appalachians, and turned off the car, gesturing to a closed off looking path with a grin and grabbing Lauren's hand with he one that doesn't have the picnic basket. "I found this place when I first moved here to get away," Camila says, pulling Lauren's hand deeper into the woods, kind of making her nervous until finally she pulled around a cluster of trees and a clearing came into view. "I had, I had a pretty bad teenage into adulthood time of my life, and when I moved here I wanted to start fresh." Lauren remembers Camila telling her that when they hung out last week. "It was hard to adjust at first, I'd been so used to my mom and my dad being around, but I found this place and... I love music, I've always used it as an escape. I'd come here with my journal and a guitar and I finally felt what I was looking for," Camila says, "I felt the freedom I'd been in search for." "I wanted to bring you here because you're the only other thing that makes me feel that way." 

Lauren’s heart all but melts.

Brown eyes are boring into hers now and it feels more intense than anything ever has and she can’t look away. 

“I know it’s the first date, but I’ve just... I feel this connection with you that I’ve never felt with anybody else,” Camila continues, voice straining with emotions she’s trying to get through to Lauren.

“Camz...”

“I know it’s cheesy, kind of,” Camila shrugs, “but I just wanted to show you a part of me that I haven’t shown anyone else. You’re special. This is... this is going to be special. I just have a feeling.”

“I get that feeling too,” Lauren nods, moving over to tangle hers fingers with Camila’s again and swooning at how perfectly they fit together. “I just feel like you’re something I’ve been missing for so long, and I... I’m really glad I met you.”

“Yeah me too,” Camila smiles.

"I used to use photography, or sometimes just drawing when I wanted to escape like that," Lauren says, once they're seated on some rocks that Camila promises have no bugs on them. "Do you still write?"

"Yes," Camila smiles, letting go of Lauren's hand to grab the blanket and picnic basket she'd set down next to them. "I play mostly, like covers and random riffs, but I always try to come back to it when I have time. I wouldn't want to forget something that's always been so important to me." 

"I totally get that, Lauren replies, getting up so that Camila can lay the blanket out on the flat of the big rocks they're perched on. Lauren figured they'd sit in the grass but it's mostly dirt and she likes the rocks better than dirt. 

"It just, music got me through so much, you know? Like It feels like a good friend and I don't want to ever leave it behind," Camila explains, sitting back down on the blanket and sliding as close to Lauren as she can comfortably get. Lauren leans into it, prettying not to notice. 

"Yeah, I guess I feel the same about my art," Lauren shrugs, kind of feeling guilty for how little she'd been doing since she moved. It was mostly that she didn't have the time, or the supplies, but she knows that if she really wanted to she could get back into it. She'll have to try. 

"It's like life isn't as meaningful without ways to express yourself, I don't know," Camil trails off, blushing now that she realizes how deep she's made things. "Not to make things to dark and meaningful, haha."

"No I completely agree with what you're saying," Lauren nods, "life without any artistic expression, without more than what it is, it's not as exciting, not as beautiful." 

Camila smiles at her, and Lauren thinks that that's enough art, enough beauty to last her a lifetime. 

They sit criss cross apple sauce on the rocks for a while, talking about deeper topics like that, and smaller things, like old stories about bad family vacations and embarrassing things they'd done in their awkward tween stage. 

It's not until Camila comments on ho pretty the moon is that they realize it's past midnight and they should definitely get back inside before they get attacked by coyotes or freeze. (Camila wraps the blanket that they'd used around Lauren's shoulders and she doesn't stop smiling for the whole walk back to the car.

"I had a really nice time," Camila says as they pull up outside of Lauren's place. She would invite Camila up, but she wants this to be special, this is important. So despite the tension that's been growing and despite the fact that she could easily pull Camila up to her room and finally relieve it, she forces herself to stay strong.

"I did too," Lauren smiles back, "best first date I've ever been on," she says, squeezing Camila's hand in her own. It's been there the whole ride back, despite Camila being not the best driver. Lauren likes it. 

"I'm glad," Camila responds, putting the car in park and turning to face Lauren. "I'd really like to do it again, soon?" she asks and Lauren really, really likes her. 

"I'd like that too," she replies, "but this time I get to plan it, and I get to drive to make sure we make it there is one piece," she teases and Camila leans in to jokingly smack her arm, laughing despite herself. 

She's closer now, and after the laughter dies down Lauren notices a shift in energy. She wants to lean in. She wants to kiss Camila so bad that she doesn't think she can help herself. And honestly, she doesn't really see any reason to. 

She's so close to connecting their lips. So close to finally getting a taste of what she's sure is about to be her new addiction, but Camila hesitates once they're close enough to feel each other's breath. 

"Can I kiss you?" Camila asks, looking so deep into Lauren's eyes that she's sure Camila can read its YES banner. 

She thinks it's so attractive that Camila asked to kiss her. Some people think that's a mood killer, but Lauren thinks consent is always sexy, even if it is something as small as a kiss. 

Lauren can't find her words when she's this close to Camila, so she nods, too impatient for Camila to react and leans in to meet her halfway. 

Camila presses her lips to Lauren's and it's like nothing else ever existed except for this moment. 

(She walks her to her door, too and kisses her again and Lauren never wants it to stop.)

(It kind of doesn't stop, Camila picks her up to get breakfast and she kisses her again and it goes from there.)

-

By the time the holidays roll around, Lauren doesn't really know what to do. She honestly kind of forgets about them, but when they're all sat on Lauren's floor, trying to figure out plans for the weekend, Normani brings up a tree lighting and, oh yeah, Christmas. 

She doesn't want to go home yet, she knows that much. She misses her mom, but she likes it here, she likes her pace, she likes her life. She thinks she wants to keep it just like this for a little while longer. 

Her and Camila have been casually seeing each other for a few weeks now, but she doesn't want to ask her what she's doing just in case it comes off as overly clingy. 

She honestly wouldn't mind spending Christmas by herself this year (song reference very much intended). It might be nice to ignore it, to save money on gifts. 

She tries to convince herself that at least.

"Are you Lo?" Dinah asks and Lauren realizes how zoned out she'd gotten once Normani brought up the lighting.

"I'm sorry, what?" Lauren asks, lightly blushing when her fiends laugh at how zoned out she was. 

"Going home for Christmas?" Dinah repeats the question. "None of us are so if you aren't then we can have a friends-mas," she continues, and Lauren smiles so hard that she knows she wouldn't have really been okay spending Christmas alone, it's Christmas. 

"No, I'm not. And that sounds like fun, count me in," she smiles, and Camila smiles so hard back at her that she goes out later and spends like a weeks worth of tips on presents for the younger girl because she just loves seeing Camila smile. 

She doesn't mean to spend so much, but Normani asks her to go gift shopping and she just keeps seeing gift after gift that she knows Camila would like. 

"So what's up with you and Mila?" Normani asks after Lauren buys the third gift for said girl. 

"What's going on with what? What do you mean?" Lauren asks, very poorly playing dumb about the situation. 

Normani shoots her a look that says just that and then, "girl, you have't ben looked at one thing for me or Dinah yet. not that I'm taking it personally - I am - but for real, are you guys a thing?" 

"What? what do you- why would you think," Lauren starts to deny, but Normani looks at her like she's stupid and, "okay, yeah kind of."

"Kind of?" Normani asks, smiling at the idea of her two friends actually being together though. 

"I don't know Mani," Lauren answers, "I like her, a lot. And we go out on dates and we kiss stuff... and it's like we're dating, but we haven't actually like, put a label on anything."

"Sooo.. why don't you put a label on it?" Normani asks, still kind of looking at her with a smirk that says 'you're dumb'. 

"I just... I don't know, I'm just going with the flow for now. It's fine though. We're both happy and its not like we need a label. But just to answer your question I'm not sure what we are. All I know is that I like her and she likes me just as much."

That seems to be enough of an answer for now. 

"Okay, just find out soon before Dinah catches on," Normani jokes, pulling her towards the food court, "she'll make things hella awkward if you two haven't figured your shit out." 

Lauren knows she's right, but she doesn't really listen and soon enough it's Christmas Eve and they're still just doing whatever it is that they're doing. 

Lauren kind of likes it though, Camila is hers and she is Camila's and it's enough. 

"Can we build snowmen tomorrow?" Camila asks, getting shushed by Dinah who's trying to watch the movie but shushing her back awaiting an answer. 

"Camz, there's no snow," Lauren answers for the rest of them. 

"Hmm," the smaller girl hums. "I've never gotten to build one before. Once it snows I would like to build one."

"What? Wait how is that even possible? I know you lived in Miami but have you seriously never played in the snow anywhere else?" Lauren asks, yes wide because everyone should get to play in the snow, it's like, mandatory for fulfillment in any way. 

"I wasn't allowed," Camila shrugs, kind of tuning back into the movie now that her temporary need to build a snowman was denied. 

"What the hell? Why weren't you allowed to build a snowman?" Lauren asks, still incredulous to the idea that she'd never built one. 

Camila doesn't answer her and Lauren can tell she pretend snot to hear. And at first she's going to push for an answer but she catches the look Dinah is giving them and she stops. Huh. 

Dinah and Normani fall asleep on the couch at midnight, but Camila is wide awake which means Lauren is too. (Mainly because Camila kept poking her, but also because Lauren wanted to stay up to have some alone time with her girl). 

"I know we said no gifts but..." Camila starts, pulling Lauren up and dragging her towards the kitchen. 

"I got you something too," Laurens smiles, squeezing Camila's hand. "I couldn't resist."

"You're cute," Camila sighs, then reaches for her bag and pulls out a poorly wrapped, medium sized box. (Lauren knows Camila must've wrapped it herself and it's the most adorable thing she's ever seen in her life). 

"Camz," Lauren breathes out as she gets the paper pealed and can't believe what she sees. 

"I know you said you used to be really into photography, but that you left all of your equipment behind... and well, I thought you could get back into it, maybe spend some free time not at work," Camila jokes, blushing and running a nervous hand through her hair.

"Camila," Lauren says again, because a Sony Alpha is expensive, and Lauren doesn't know much about Camila's finances but she knows the girl's apartment is the size of her own and she knows that this means so much more than anything anyone has ever given her. And not just cause it's expensive. That's always a thing consider but more so the fact that Camila spent time thinking of something special, something that she knew Lauren would use, something she knew would make her so much happier. 

"I love... I love it," Lauren says, eyes watering since she's emotional and voice wavering and Camila pulls her into the tightest hug she's had in a while. 

She thinks this is heaven. 

"Merry Christmas, Camz," Lauren says, squeezing her tighter and leaning back to press a hot cocoa flavored kiss to her lips. 

"Merry Christmas, babe," and Lauren likes what she has going a whole lot, she isn't going to let it get messed up. 

-

Camila is her New Year's kiss a week later, and like, Lauren doesn't like parties, but she thinks it's the best night of her life. 

-

They're on the couch in Lauren's living room, kissing, when Normani finds them a few weeks later.

Camila's on top of Lauren and she's got her hands up her shirt and her thigh between Lauren's.

"Oh my god," a voice breaks the moment, and Camila pulls way, but doesn't move much other than that before smiling at Normani's shocked expression. "Sorry, should've knocked," Normani says again, and Lauren is a little embarrassed but more so confused as to why Normani comes in and shuts the door behind her, heading into the kitchen. 

"Just need to borrow some sugar," Normani says as she makes her way back in just as Camila is leaning back in. "But y'all owe me updates, you're so lucky this was me walking in and not Dinah." And Lauren wants to say she can't have her sugar since she interrupted them but she's gone and Camila is leaning in for more and who is Lauren to deny her. 

"Camz," Lauren does pull away once the younger girl starts moving her hand close to where Lauren needs her but can't have her right now. 

"Mhm, babe," Camila hums against her neck, nipping softly before soothing over it with her tongue and moving back up to suck on Lauren's earlobe then moving back to her jaw. 

Lauren loves the attention, and her moans say that, but she thinks maybe it's about time she forced the conversation that's been lingering in the back of her mind. 

Things with Camila are great. She's so sweet, and she's always thinking of Lauren first, and she's so so so good in bed, but Lauren doesn't really know exactly what they are. They never put a label on it, and she knows Camila is seeing only her since she spends all of her waking time with Lauren, but she still wants to clarify things.

"Camila," she says again, reaching a hand to tug on the girls hair, which only encourages her more. 

"I love how you say my name, babe," Camila husks in response, moving her hand to Lauren's waistband and teasing there for a minute before sliding back down to rub at her over-

"Okay wait Camz, slow down," she says, finally actually sitting up before she passes a point that she can't stop.

"What's wrong," Camila asks, pulling away but hovering over Lauren with concern in her eyes. "I'm sorry, did I do something or...?" she trails off, and Lauren pulls her in for a short kiss to try to fix how frantic she looks. 

"No, no you didn't," Lauren replies once she pulls away again. "Just, I wanted to ask you about something."

"Oh," Camila says with a grin and quickly moves so she's sitting with her back against the couch and pulls Lauren so that she's sitting sideways with her legs over Camila's lap. "Why didn't you just say? What's up, babe?" And Lauren still gets butterflies at every pet name. 

"I just..." Lauren trails off, not wanting to sound needy but kind of feeling needy, forcing herself to continue, "what is this?" 

"What do you mean?" Camila asks, brows furrowing and leaning back to look into Lauren's eyes. 

"Like, what're we doing? I'm good with whatever answer I guess, but I've just been wondering like, are we dating? Is it just casual? Is it-"

"Lauren," Camila interrupts, and Lauren is glad because she was about to start rambling. "I'm... I've never had a relationship. I kind of thought we were dating? I guess I forgot that I have to ask..." Camila trails off and Lauren can't help but laugh loudly at that. 

"Lauren," Camila pouts, slowly starting to laugh despite herself when Lauren's laughter continues. "Lauren don't make fun of me," she tries to demand, but the effect is lost when she starts to laugh along too. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Lauren laughs, trying to catch her breath, "but like, so you were dating me? Without letting me know?" 

Camila looks at her for a minute before starting to laugh just as hard. 

It takes a few minutes for them to calm down, curling into each other breathlessly and letting out the last few chuckles before they're finally done and Camila speaks again. 

"Lauren Jauregui," Camila starts dramatically, will you do my the honor of-"

"Be my girlfriend," Lauren says, cutting her off with an innocent grin and her hearts heating so hard but so slow and she's so clam, so happy in Camila's presence. She really fucking likes her. 

"Hey," Camila pouts, "first you laugh at me, now you're stealing my line?" she huffs. "Asshole."

"Is that a yes?" Lauren asks, poking Camila's cheek and getting a smile to crack. 

"Yes. But you're still an ass."

"Fair enough." 

It's a few hours later that they finally go downstairs, both smiling like they're high off of something. 

"What's up with you two?" Dinah asks, not really reacting to them entering but lying on the couch at an angle that she can see them. 

Lauren is about to answer with nothing, about not make a big deal out of it, about to act cool, but Camila replies before she can. 

"We're dating," Camila says, well, she kind of squeals, and Lauren falls a little bit further over the cliff that is loving this girl.

She's not trying to keep her cool and Lauren smiles just as hard as Camila already is because wait, why had Lauren wanted to play it cool in the first place? Her heart had been skipping beats since she saw Camila and now she could proudly say the other girl was hers.

-

Dating Camila is the same as not knowing what she was doing with Camila was. 

Except Lauren is more smiley, and Camila is more smiley and they spend even more time together if that's possible. Oh, and Dinah makes like a thousand times more inappropriate jokes as before, which is saying something. 

Lauren doesn't spend her free time being sad anymore. She spend sit daydreaming about Camila. Wondering when she can see her next, or what they'll be doing on her next date, or how she makes everything else in the world seem so unimportant. 

She knows there's still tension though. None of her friends had ever pushed about it, but the fact that Lauren showed up out of nowhere, with no jobs lined up and no plans on what the hell she was doing is kind of something that they're yet to discuss. 

Camila tries to hint at it, and Lauren doesn't exactly not want to tell her, but she really doesn't want to get back into all of that. 

She realizes that Camila deserves to know about her past, and she wants to tell her so that they can be as close as possible, she doesn't want secrets lingering, but she would like to stay in this honeymoon type phase for a little while longer before things get too deep. 

One night when they're out to dinner though, things kind of boil over. 

They go to Grouch's Eats, despite Lauren not wanting to go back after the shift she'd worked earlier that day, but she stops complaining when Camila tangles their hands together and presses a hard kiss to her cheek.

They're having nice night out though. Lauren is taking more than she usually does, and Camila is laughing louder than she normally is. 

Dinah tells a particularly inappropriate, but hilarious joke about Normani walking in on them and that's when the night takes a turn. 

"Oh my god," a voice addresses their table breaking them all from their laughter and , "I thought I recognized that laugh, Lauren?" 

And it's her old friend from high school, or more so Chris's friend from high school, Keana. 

Lauren would've bene thrown off if this was a few weeks ago, but right now the friendly familiar face is nice to see. It reminds her of home, and she kind of misses Miami despite liking it up here so much. 

"Keana oh my god," Lauren stands up to greet her with a hug, "what are you doing here this is so random," she continues, smiling brightly at the other girl. 

"I was passing through for work and my friend from college lives here, so we're just grabbing dinner," she explains, "What about you? How've you been? What brings you up north?" 

"I actually moved here a few months ago," she explains, with a grin. "Had to change stuff up and I ended up here," she continues, smiling back at her friends for a minute who are all watching confused before, "Oh right sorry, guys this is Keana, my friend from back home," Lauren explains gesturing, "Keana these are my friends Normani and Dinah, and that's my girlfriend Camila," she smiles brightly at that part. Girlfriend. Camila is her girlfriend. 

Camila smiles brightly too and Lauren feels butterflies fill her stomach. 

"Hi," Keana grins at them, ignoring some guy calling her name from a few tables over to continue her conversation and Lauren has always loved Keana so it's amazing running into her. She forgot about all the smaller people n her life she'd be leaving behind when she ran and she has to admit it feels nice to be reunited with at least one of them. 

"Oh so you've been out of the gossip mill then?" Keana wiggles her eyebrows jokingly and Lauren laughs, but the next sentence makes her laughter die down. "Did you hear about your brother and Luce- who am I kidding obviously you have it's like your two best friends," Keana jokes, "that's pretty dope though right? I'd kill for my best friend to pull my brother off his ass and into shape." 

An Lauren knows she doesn't mean any harm, but it her response is struggling to make it's way out of her mouth with the way her throats closed up. "yeah, yeah I did... um I actually haven't seen them in a while but yeah..." 

And like, if this had happened a few weeks ago she would've felt like she's getting punched in the gut. Right now it still feels uncomfortable but the dominant feeling is confusion as to why it doesn't hurt as much. 

"Ke," someone calls from a few tables over and Lauren tries not to sigh in relief when Keana hods up the one finger to her fiends. 

"Well I've got to go, I'm only here for the night. But it was so nice to see you," she smiles and Lauren thinks it really, really would've been nice if they stayed on a different topic, but it was still nice to see her, Keana is sweet.

"Yeah you too, Keana," Lauren smiles, and then her friend is gone and she feels out of place. 

Lauren didn't ever expect to run into someone she knew when she left and now that she has she probably looks like she'd just seen a ghost. She doesn't mean to look that way, but something just, it was so unexpected she doesn't know how to react.

"Lo?" Camila asks, hand reaching out for Lauren's hand but the green eyed girl steps back. 

"Sorry I umm... I think I need a minute," Lauren says, sending Camila a look that she knows isn't very reassuring before making her way to the bathroom. 

She stops in her tracks at the realization though that she's not actually panicking. 

Usually when Lucy is brought up, the idea of her and Chris, usually it gets Lauren all panicky and sick and a lot of other things.

Right now though, Lauren isn't any of that. She's freaking out a little bit sure, but she realizes mid step that it's not because Lucy was brought up with Chris, it's just because she hasn't told any of her friends yet and it's weird. 

But it doesn't hurt. It's just weird. 

She's confused, but she spins on her heal and takes her seat back down next to Camila. 

"Sorry," she says once the attention is back on her. She tries to think of an excuse but like, there isn't one. 

None of the girls push her though. At least on that topic. 

She takes Camila's hand into hers and the younger girl smiles. 

"So who's Lucy? And you have siblings? Come on, Lo," Dinah's the one to ask. Of course Dinah is. Because Camila and Normani know how to read a situation, know when to stop. But Dinah like, she either doesn't know how to or she doesn't care. 

Lauren doesn't really care either right now though. 

"Yeah I have a younger brother and sister back home," she elaborates. 

"So that's Chris and Lucy," Dinah asks once more, nodding at the new information. 

"Um no, Chris and Taylor, Lucy is just my old best friend," she explains, hoping that for now, until she gets her feelings sorted out, that will be that. 

"Hmm," Dinah says, deep in thought for a second, and right before Lauren can get nervous, says, "that's cause I'm your new best friend, right?"

They finish dinner as they normally would, with Dinah and Normani talking too much, Camila telling shitty jokes and Lauren listening and laughing, but there's a noticeable tension in the air since that moment.

Lauren wants to reassure Camila because she notices the other girl get more quiet, but she doesn't know how to other than by squeezing her hand and sliding as close as she can in the booth without sitting in her lap. 

She thinks things might be fine, they might be okay, but then Camila doesn't come back to her place. She says she's tired, that the has work in the morning and that she'll text Lauren, but they both know it's an excuse and Lauren tries not to let her face drop. 

She clings to Normani and Dinah once they get back to their place, to a point where even Dinah is starting to notice that something is up. 

She doesn't want to be alone. She knows that being alone is a bad idea since she gets reckless sin her own head whenever that happens, so she plops on the couch until it's weird for her to be there so late. 

Normani comes back to the living room and looks at her before sitting down on the other couch, eyeing Lauren curiously. 

Normani sits across from her for a while before speaking up. "What was that earlier? With Camila? What happened, Lauren?" she asks, and like, Lauren can't hold the accusatory glance against her. Normani may be a good friend but she's known Camila for way longer, so it's only fair that she's protective over her. 

"I think I'm... I really, really like her," Lauren decides to say instead, not meeting Normani's eyes and focusing on the shoes stacked on the living room mat. She doesn't know who's they are, but none of them have matches, and if the conversation weren't so heavy the fact would've made her laugh. 

Normani doesn't reply for a long while. She sits across from Lauren, on the couch that Lauren always sees Camila sprawled out on for her midday naps. 

"I can see that she really likes you too," Normani says, "but she can't be this in the dark without it putting a strain on... whatever this is. I'm not trying to be nosy. obviously something hurt you and I don't expect you to give me any answers. But Camila cares about you, Lo, she'd want to know. She could help you."

That's how Lauren ends up calling Camila. 

It's not that Normani guilted her into it. She's been wanting to tell Camila about what happened, about why she left, for a while. She didn't want to tell her too early though. It's baggage, and it isn't pretty, and honestly Lauren wasn't over it. 

But now, now she can think about Lucy and not want to cry. She can think about her brother and be happy that he's got such a nice girl. She can think about it and not feel like she's going to throw up. And she thinks she owes that to Camila.

So she calls her. She tells her that she wants to tell her about herself. About all the things she's been holding back. She tells her that she's ready and Camila says she'll be over in ten. 

Lauren is lying in bed, overthinking when Camila finally lets herself in. And it's, it's not even about Lucy. She's over all of that, really she is, but everything has just been so stressful and until right now she hasn't let herself have a moment to be used about it. 

She's been bottling up every feeling she's had for months and she hadn't noticed how close she is to bursting at the seams until right now. 

So when Camila steps through the door and gives her that look, the look that reminds Lauren that in just one month she's memorized Lauren better than anybody else ever could, Lauren finally breaks down.

Camila rushes to her, and Lauren sees her more concerned than she ever has as she scoops her up into her arms. 

She doesn't say anything for a while though, just holds Lauren, lets her cry (she isn't even really crying, but she's so emotionally overwhelmed she might as well be) and rubs comforting circles into her hip. 

"I'm here when you're ready to talk," Camila says finally once Lauren has settled into her hold and calmed down a little bit. Lauren likes the way she says it.

It's not an offer to talk if she needs to, it's a promise that no matter how long, no matter how hard it is, Camila will be there when Lauren is able to open up about it.

And she doesn't push. Lauren allows her head to move from the pillow to Camila's shoulder, and she would smile at the way Camila's arms feel around her if she weren't so busy trying to think of a way to explain what happened to set her off.

It's more what didn't happen. The reaction Lauren's mind always has when she thinks about Lucy and her brother.

There it is again. She's thinking about it but there's not bitterness, not sadness. She mostly just thinks that Camila deserves to know everything she has to offer.

"It was um, my best friend, Lucy," Lauren starts, almost startling Camila who had been waiting patiently for Lauren to show any sign that she was okay. "She was my straight girl I guess. Like you know the stereotype of falling for your straight best friend, she was that."

"Sometimes I would think that things were reciprocated but most of the time I would know I was just in too deep. It was a long time running. We met our senior year of high school. And it wasn't like, love at first sight,but we became close and I realize how fond of her I was and... it was easy to get a crush."

"Once it started I couldn't stop it and we ended up becoming closer over the next four years despite going down different paths after school. I went to school in Tampa, but Lucy stayed home in Miami. We'd see each other on breaks,and she'd visit me at school, and I was head over heels," Lauren continues with a deep breath, watching for any sort of reaction but Camila is just looking at her like she cares about her and she cares about what she has to say. So Lauren keeps talking.

"When I finally decided to tell her how I felt... she told me that she'd been dating my brother for a whole. That they were in love. That she loved him, and that she wanted to tell me but she hadn't known how to without making things awkward."

"I just... it isn't even that she didn't feel the same. It's just the fact that I had made it all up. The fact that I couldn't see what was so obviously right in front of me," Lauren explains, sighing and once again trying to gage any sort of reaction,but Camila doesn't look pitiful like she'd expected. The look in her eyes is hard to read but Lauren thinks it's one of the most comforting looks she's ever received.

"Plus a little bit the fact that neither of them had told me sooner but that's not... that's not the point. I felt like an idiot. I didn't want to face her or him or anyone really, so I left. I don't know, sometimes I feel like I overreacted, that I punished them for my own-"

"She broke your heart, Lauren,' Camila cut in softly, squeezing Lauren's hand in an attempt to comfort her. "Whether or not it was intentional doesn't mean your hurt isn't real. You had every right to go."

"Thank you," Lauren says, leaning in to press a kiss to Camila's cheek because she can't help herself. "But if you hadn't cut me off you'd know that I was fair and that my feelings were valid and that I am so grateful that I left because if I hadn't I wouldn't have met you."

"Okay but I know that now, and cutting you off got me a kiss, sooo," Camila teases and Lauren can't help but lean in and steal another one, this time from her favorite lips.

"I'm proud that you put your own feelings first, Lo," Camila says once she pulls away, and Lauren is surprised it isn't 'I'm sorry that happened' or 'lol that sucks', but somehow Camila once again manages to find the best words to make Lauren feel how she feels for her. "It takes a lot to know when it's time to make a change and it's-"

"Not to slow down you getting all deep," Lauren jokes, "but I still need to finish because that isn't why I was sad," Lauren cuts her off this time, laughing when Camila playfully scolds her.

"The reason I'm upset today is because I realize I'm over it," Lauren explains. "It's always been something that's set me off but today... I realized how much better my life is here and now and I guess I was just, I don't know. It doesn't hurt as bad anymore," she continues after a moment of thought. "I realized earlier when she came up and I didn' get upset but more nostalgiac. It doesn't hurt as much and I guess it's just a big step for me. I get emotional easy, I'm a cancer, can't help it," she jokes, finally laughing a little despite how heavy the conversation was.

"I guess I'm just finally ready to move on, to let go of that," Lauren finishes, and leans her head on Camila's shoulder.

They lie together for what feels like eternity and Lauren is starting to think maybe she'd like to spend eternity like this. Maybe Camila could be the one and they could lie like this until they're old. Maybe she could love her until she dies, hold her until her arms are numb but she doesn't care, because the love she has for Camila out weighs that. 

"I need to tell you something too," Camila says suddenly cutting off Lauren's thoughts of forever. 

She perks her had up, always naturally nervous when someone says that phrase. 

"Umm, there isn't really a way to ease into this," Camila scratches at her head and gazes everywhere either than Lauren before continuing. "When we first met, um, I wasn't just getting back from a work trip, I'd been in the hospital."

"I had metastatic melanoma," Camila continues, and Lauren feels her heart drop. "It was stage 3, just A, but..." she continues, and finally looks up to meet Lauren's eyes continuing when she meets panicked wide ones. "I'm done, I'm better it's over I promise," she says desperately trying to wipe the worry off of Lauren's face. 

Lauren feels her heart jump back up. But she grabs Camila's Han because even if she's done now, she hates the think of the physical and mental pain the younger girl was in in the past. 

"I'll have been in remission for a year next Wednesday," Camila continues with a small smile. "I had to go back though because there were thoughts that something was back. Turns out it was just mono, but it was enough to hold me for a few weeks back home."

"How long did you have it?" Lauren asks quietly, not wanting to push Camila into talking about it but needing to know more to reassure herself that she's okay and she's going to continue to be okay. 

"I was diagnosed my junior year of high school. That time we thought it was mono, 'cause you know, all the lymph nodes sticking out of my neck. And like, I've always been frail and clumsy, so the other symptoms just didn't really trigger anything for us. When they found it, it was stage 3C, which is like... it's pretty bad Lo, it was pretty bad," she says, trying not to get emotional thinking about how much her and her family struggled in the end of her high school career.

"I ended up having to miss a year of school for hospital visits and surgeries and very aggressive chemotherapy," she elaborates, holding Lauren's hand tighter every time she sees the green eyes deepen with concern. "It sucked. I mean, it was cancer, it really, really sucked."

"That's why I never went to college," Camila explains, "I had plans to, but we couldn't really afford it with all of the medical bills, and not to mention I was too weak to even think about not being at home." 

"There were some really bad times but... once I was 19 we'd fought hard enough and it was a loss less severe. It was a thing I was so used to too, that once I started not having to worry about it too much I realized how much I wanted to be rid of it. The little things I was being held back from, god Lauren I missed out on a lot."

"So, when it started to get worse again, I told them not to hold back. I'd made some more money with a GoFundMe and I was able to get whatever surgeries and whatever chemo I could," she continues, smiling back on when she really made a turning point.

"I found out I was almost done a couple years later and it was the best feeling, but I knew I had to keep going if I wanted I to all be worth something."

"It was hard," she sighs, "I almost gave up so many times Lo, but I didn't, I could't. when we found out it was totally gone, like entirely completely out of my body... I don't think I've ever been my dad cry so hard. It was like all the tears he'd been holding back just came out and it was... it was the most emotional day of my life Lo, I felt so much at once and I just," she trails off.

"I needed to tell you about it. There's more details, obviously, and I can go into those later on, it was a big part of my life for about seven, eight years, but now life is so much better, after how hard I've fought to get it back, life is so amazing. So right now, I want to be done talking about it and I just want to appreciate something life gave to me."

"I'm so happy I have you in my life," Lauren says into Camila's shoulder. Trying not to cry and thanking god Gaga and all her friends that Camila is okay. She would say more, but she doesn't feel she needs to. Camila had held her and now it's her turn to reciprocate and she knows that Camila can feel everything she's feeling. 

"I can't believe I've let myself be so affected by something as small as a crush when you were going through all of that," Lauren mumbles, placing a gentle kiss onto the top of Camila's head. 

A lot of stuff makes sense though now that she has this information. From how shady Camila seemed at first, to how fragile the girl is, Lauren is making the connections and although it makes her sad she's definitely glad that she knows this about her girl now. 

"Shh, babe, just because I was going through something more 'serious' maybe, doesn't mean your hurt is any less valid," Camila says, leaning up to steal a short kiss. "You went through a lot too and I'm so glad I have you now and I'm so glad I'm able to help you feel better."

And Lauren nods, snuggling into Camila because of course Camila would be the one to comfort her and not try to out do her with her struggles. Some people are like that and Lauren has always thought it was weird. And Camila is so right, just because somebody has struggled a lot, doesn't mean that whatever you're going through is less valid. 

"Do you think you'll ever want to go back? To go home?" Camila asks after a few more moments of just lying together, squeezing Lauren's hand once again in hers and wrapping her other arm tighter around the green eyed girl's waist.

"Yes," Lauren answers without any hesitation. "I miss my mom. And my dad. And my sister. And even Chris and Lucy despite being hurt over it. I'm mostly over it and it was never my intention to leave forever.I just needed some quiet, some peace of mind for a little while."

"That makes sense," Camila hums against the top of her head.

"Would you want to come with me?" Lauren doesn't know where she gets the balls to ask. Probably just from how invincible Camila makes her feel. "I mean, not permanently, I honestly like it here better. But I miss everyone, and I think it would be nice for you to-"

"Yes," Camila cuts in, with a smile so bright Lauren can't believe she's been lucky enough to get this girl.

"Really?" Lauren asks, matching Camila's smile as she pulls back to meet her eyes.

"I thought you'd never ask."

And Camila kisses her. And Lauren doesn't know when she's going to go home or how long she'll go for, but she knows that with Camila by her side she'll be just fine.

-

"Is your real name even Lauren?" Camila asks later in bed, once they're sated and sweaty and curled together again.

"Camz."

"What? You totally pulled a gone girl, you could've made up any name you wanted? How do I know that's not a wig and contact lenses either?"

"All the tugging your hands were doing a few minutes ago is enough proof babe. God, I can't believe I ever thought you were intimidating."

-

If you were to ask Lauren a year ago how her mental health was, she would've said "meh, how's yours?" 

She didn't really know what it was like to be mentally healthy and because of that she didn't see how unhealthy she was. She can't remember a time where she didn't feel like she would prefer to not exist. And up until now she thought that was normal.

She was never exactly suicidal, but she just didn't really see a point to anything at all. She never had a point to it all, and she thought it wouldn't be the worse thing if she were to get into an accident, or if her heart were to stop in her sleep, or, well you get it. 

Right now with Camila's hand in hers, with this wonderful beautiful girl who almost lost her life, clinging onto her in her sleep, Lauren can't understand why she ever thought life was anything other than beautiful. 

Camila, who'd almost died, Camila who's fought with everything she had to stay alive. Camila who had a way worst hand than anyone Lauren knew, she's the one to make Lauren realize how much she's overlooking. 

She thinks she's irrevocably in love with her. She thinks she almost has been for such a long time, maybe since the minute she saw her, but now that that last piece of mystery is out for both of them, she feels more free to be irrevocably, whole heartedly, in love with Camila. 

"Camz," she nudges the sleeping girl gently. 

She'd been up for hours, not getting a lot of sleep with her mind swirling after the previous night's talk. 

"Camila," she tries again, trying to pull her arm out of the girls death grip and nudging the sleeping girl's shoulder with her free hand. 

"Hmm," Camila groans, trying to sleepily shove Lauren's arm away while cuddling into it at the same time. 

"Camzzz," Lauren continues, this time more pushing her shoulder since she knows she's almost got her. 

"Mmm, another minute," she muffles into Lauren's arm, adorably holding onto it like her life depends on it and refusing to move. 

"Camila," Lauren says again, shaking her shoulder and using her other hand to shake Camila again. 

"God, what Lo?" Camila finally asks, moving her head up to look at the other girl who's smiling down at her. "What's a girl got to do to get a little peace and quiet around here?" 

And her sleepy voice is still the most are thing Lauren has ever heard and there's mattress marks on her face and her hair is all messy but she makes it look perfect. 

"I love you," she says, quickly, not removing the smile from her face as she watches Camila's reaction. "I just, sorry I to impatient and I had to tell you, but I love you."

"You do?" Camila asks, now more awake and paying attention to her girlfriend. 

"I super do," Lauren grins, trying not to coo at Camila's sleepy face of confusion. "I know it's kind of early, so if you- you don't have to feel any pressure to say it back. I just wanted to let you know how I felt."

"I love you," Camila says, and she's smiling too and Lauren thinks her heart is going to explode. "I love you so much it's crazy."

"Yeah?" Lauren asks, smile not moving her lips as Camila pulls her in for a quick peck. 

Lauren tries to follow her when she pulls back but, "Morning breath, Lo," Camila smiles, and burrows her head back into Lauren's shoulder, closing her eyes again. "I love you, but it's six am. get some sleep babe," she scolds.

And like, Lauren can't stop smiling but she can lie back down with Camila and hold her because she loves her and Camila loves her back. 

-

Lauren doesn't remember a time recently that she's been as nervous as she is right now in this moment. 

She had a stressful transition from Miami to where she's living now, but she kind of got over that stress the moment her new three people entered her life. She hasn't had time to be stressed with all the work and play she's doing, and she hasn't felt sad since Camila came along and put her heart back together.

"Yes mami," she hears Camila say for like, the tenth time in the past minute, "Yeah, mami. yes. No. We aren't... we're like fifteen away. Yes I know you're already there, I told you not to leave until I texted- yes. Sorry." Lauren chuckles at her girlfriend's annoyed expression. 

It kind of relieves her stress to just have Camila there. But Camila is also part of the reason that she's stressed. Camila is here. With her. Almost in Miami. 

She didn't tell anyone that she was coming back. She'd been in touch with everyone, kind of, since she left, but they all gave her space because they knew that was why she left int he first place. 

She was over everything now though, she has moved on, not just because she has a new girlfriend, like she's entirely over her feelings and now she just misses her friends and her family and her dog. 

"She's there already, so we've got to hurry up or 'she's leaving without us'," Camila uses finger quotes and rolls her eyes at that. "Like hello? You're there to get us? How can you- ugh anyways now that that's over, how are you? Are you ready? Sure you're up for this?" 

They'd decided they both missed their families and impulsively bought plane tickets to spend a the week for easter, despite the fact that neither of them thought it was a very important holiday. (Camila did actually, because all of the chocolate, but she agreed with Lauren that it was a bullshit excuse). 

So now she's here, on her way home, with Camila, but on her way home and she's just, she's not sure why she's nervous, but she is. 

She's nervous to meet Camila's mom mostly. Camila and her mom are so so close. Camila and her whole family are close, but Camila and her mom are like, they're closer than Lauren's ever seen a mother and daughter. She supposes it makes sense after everything Camila has gone through, and she finds it adorable. But it also makes it harder that meeting the mother and meeting the best friend are essentially the same hit for her. 

She grabs Camila's bigger bag for her, and Camila tries to take it, but Lauren pouts about wanting to make a good impressions Camila agrees to let her hold it as long as she doesn't drop it ("because Mr. Snuggles is in there Lauren, and if you drop it he could get hurt," and "Mr. Snuggles is a stuffed ani- okay, okay, I won't hurt Mr. Snuggles, calm down, babe").

It's a little bit of a walk once they get there and off the train to the parking lot, and Camila gets the lost twice, but it's only a few minutes later that they spot her mother waiting by her car, watching them with a smile. 

"Mami," Camila yells dropping Lauren's hand, not caring about drawing attention as she runs at her mother, throwing herself into her arms and Lauren grins like its nobody's business at the sight. "I missed you," she hears Camila mumble into her moms head (she's shorter than Lauren expected).

"I missed you too, mija," Sinu says, pulling away though and finding Lauren over her shoulder, and eyeing her in a way that makes Lauren's stomach crawl up her throat. 

"Mami, this is Lauren," Camila introduces, catching her mothers glare and stepping back to grab Lauren's shaky hand. "Lauren, this is my mom."

"I know, I mean, I figured, or else it wouldn't have been very nice of you to be grabbing onto her hand like that," Sinu smiles, breaking from her intimidating look before and surprisingly pulling Lauren into a hug as well, that takes her only a moment to reciprocate. 

When they pull back Lauren looks back to see Camila watching with a smile, but Sinu grabs her hand and eyes her for a minute before saying in a kind of super intimidating voice, "Do you promise to love her as good as you can?" Sinu says, not giving Camila any time to stop embarrassment. 

"With all of my heart," Lauren says. 

(It takes everything in Lauren not to reply with "and as hard too," but she knows that she can't. She makes note to tell Camila about the joke later though, she'll like that one.)

"Okay," Sinu says, still eyeing Lauren skeptically before, "I like this one." 

They go to Camila's house first. Sinu talking most of the time and Lauren replying when questions are asked of her. It's about a fifteen minute ride from the station to Camila's house, and Lauren recognizes the area, having had some friends that lived around here. And when they make the connections of mutual friends it's kind of mind boggling to her that someone this amazing, the love of her life, was just twenty minutes away her whole life. 

She meets Camila's family but Camila ends up driving her back to her own house by herself. She could tell Lauren had been nervous about it and she wanted to take away any cartons that could be adding to it.

When they pull up in front of Lauren's house, she takes a deep breath and undoes her seatbelt. 

"Lauren," Camila's voice snaps her out of it. "Lauren you're going to be fine. I'll call you in like an hour so you can settle in, but you'll be fine." 

She turns to Camila with a really wide smile though, no longer nervous at all, but excited. 

She leans in and pulls Camila in for an unexpectedly passionate kiss, but pulls away the Camila's hand tangles in her hair and jokingly scolds her. 

"I'll call you," Lauren says, "Go spend some time with your family. If anything goes wrong I'll let you know but... it won't. It's my mom, and my dad, and my little sister, and my baby brother, Camz I can't believe I was nervous." 

"I love you," Camila smiles, watching her girlfriend get more and more excited as the seconds pass. "Now go! What are you waiting for, they're all in there," she laughs when Lauren hops out, quickly and reaches for her bag from he back seat. 

"I love you," Lauren says back, blowing a kiss through he window and then waiting for Camila to pull away. 

She makes her way to the door once Camila's car is out of sight - they'd agree Camila can meet them later, right now was just reunion time for Lauren. It feels so familiar, like she never left. But at the same time it feels like she's been gone for years. 

She takes a deep breath and knocks twice. Nothing happens for a moment, then another moment. Lauren panics, thinking maybe Taylor had a thing for school, and maybe mom is out shopping, and maybe-

The door swings open and it's her mom. "Mija," Clara breaths out and her eyes are wide and her arms are around Lauren before a minute passes. "Oh my gosh, Lauren it's been so long." 

She buries her face into her mothers neck and she's so so happy she decided to come home because she didn't realize how much she missed this, and she thinks she needed it. Hugging her mom was like, the best form of medicine, and she's been fine, she's been happy, but going so long without her mom's hugs can't be good for her health. 

And they stand there, in the doorway, hugging for god knows how long. It isn't until a voice behind Clara speaks up that they break apart.

"Lauren,"and it's Chris, and Lauren's never seen her little brother cry but she thinks he is when he all but rips her from Clara's grip and pulls her into him, almost lifting her feet off of the ground.

"Chris," she squeals, trying to keep her feet planted and wrapping her arms around his neck. 

She's crying too, she isn't realize it at first but she's kind of sobbing. everything feels so right, its never felt this right and she didn't know it was possible to be this perfect. 

It's the next day when Lauren decides to bring Camila over for lunch, to introduce her to her whole family. She'd met Camila's the day she came back, having stopped at her house first, and Lauren understood how Camila was so sweet by how Sinu and Alejandro acted. She feel in love with Camila a little bit more seeing how the girl interacted with her little sister. Everything about it was amazing. 

Bu now she was nervous. Everyone was coming for lunch. Everyone, meaning, 

"Oh my god," Lucy's voice greets her was she comes down the stairs a little bit before Camila is going to arrive. "Lauren," and meeting her eyes, Lauren expects to be hit with something other than happiness, something sad maybe. But she isn't.

She's just hit with the fact that she really missed her best friend, but only as a best friend. She knew she was over it because she's head over heels for Camila, but things like that usually stick with a person. Just because the feelings are gone doesn't mean the lingering pain is swept away. But it is now. She doesn't think about how upset she'd been the last time she thinks Lucy, she just throws herself into her best friend's arms. 

Immediately Lucy hugs her back just as tight, and Lauren knows that whatever feeling she had, whatever lingering resentment, she knows it's all over. 

They make their way to the living room, where Taylor and Chris are playing Mario Kart and cussing each other out while Mike sleeps in the recliner. Lauren thinks it feels like old times and she smiles, but eventually the door bell rings and she's reminded that it isn't like old times, it's better. 

She meets Camila at the door, not wanting her mother to get it and hound her immediately with questions, and like, its only been a day, but she takes Camila into her arms and hugs her with the same might she had to use for her family. And Camila chuckles, "Laur, you saw me like less than a day ago," but she hugs back just as tightly, and even holds on a second longer than Lauren. 

They go back into the living room, an Camila is nervous Lauren can tell from her sweaty palm and the death grip she has on her, but she smiles reassuringly at her girlfriend and pulls her through the door room and Taylor is hitting Chris repeatedly in the arm, trying to mess him up on rainbow road, and Lucy is laughing, and Mike is waking up at the noise and throwing a shoe across the room to try to shut them up. 

"Everyone, this is my girlfriend, Camila," Lauren calls for the attention of her siblings, now having Clara in the doorway too smiling at her, smiling brightly at the fact that they're all together. "Camila, this is everyone ," she continues, gesturing towards the room and knowing that Camila will piece it together, she's seen picture of each of them, Lauren isn't concerned about her ability to figure it out. 

"It's so nice to finally meet you guys," Camila smiles, reaching out to formally shake (Lauren has to bite her lip so that she doesn't laugh) each of their hands. "Lauren has told me so much over the past few months."

Lauren didn't know how her siblings would react to her randomly coming back with a girl, but when, Chris yanks Camila into a hug by her 'formal handshake', Lauren's face feels like it's going to split with the smile that takes over her face.

"Thanks for taking care of her," Chris mumbles, finally pulling back so it's not an awkwardly long hug. "She's not used to being on her own, I'm... I'm glad she had you."

And Camila smiles at him in shock and then looks back at Lauren, so happy and so beautiful and so the love her her life and Lauren can't believe she'd ever wanted anything else. 

-

"Say I'm a bird," Camila mumbles, attention on Lauren instead of the movie. 

They're curled up on the floor in the first floors living room, having a movie night with the girls. Of course, Dinah and Normani both claimed a couch for their own, but Lauren doesn't really mind, her and Camila have enough blankets and pillows to make the floor comfortable and she gets more room to cuddle Camila down here. 

"Lo," Camila says again, huffing in annoyance when the older girl is too engrossed in the movie and just hums, not actually paying attention to her. (Or enough attention. Camila needs all of Lauren's attention on her). 

"Owe," Lauren exclaims when Camila pinches her on the arm, "what? Why couldn't you just nudge me or something, like you know, not painful? My skin is sensitive you know that," she fusses and Camila rolls her eyes.

"Say I'm a bird," she repeats, smile taking over for her pout. 

"Camz," Lauren sighs. 

"Lauren," Camila sighs back, smile getting replaced once again, by a pout. 

"Say I'm a bird," she tries again, "please," and she has her puppy dog face on so Lauren has to go along with it. 

"You're a bird," Lauren says, jokingly exasperated by having to do it. 

"Now say you're a bird," Camila says, slapping Dinah on the leg when she shushes them.

"Why?" Lauren asks, clearly missing the reference. 

"Just say you're a bird too," Camila demands, smile gone again waiting for Lauren to complete the quote. 

"Well, if you're a bird then I'm a bird," Lauren says, "obviously," she scoffs afterwards, still not understanding. And Camila's face turns ten shades happier than Lauren's ever seen it and Normani gasps from where she's sat on the couch behind them, apparently eaves dropping. 

"You've never seen 'The Notebook'?" Dinah asks, cause apparently all attention was on them. 

"No?" Lauren says, or asks, since they're all looking at her like she's insane. "We're like five minutes into it. So excuse me but that's what I'm trying to do." 

"Soulmates," Normani pipes up. "I can't believe that just happened, y'all are soulmates."

"Agreed," Dinah adds, and high fives Normani from the other couch. 

And Camila, Camila is just looking at her, with a. dopey smile and the same burning eyes that made Lauren, still make Lauren stumble over her words. 

Camila is looking at her with so much love that Lauren thinks her heart is going to explode. In a good way. A really, really good way. 

She leans in the connect their lips, suddenly overwhelmed by how in love she is when, "Soup mates," Camila whispers, and okay, Lauren groans in annoyance, pulling away and throwing her head back, quickly followed by complaints Normani and Dinah as Camila laughs at her own joke. 

But Lauren has to agree. With Normani of course. But since they're soulmates, she agrees with Camila a little too. Just for the sake of the joke. 

Soulmates, soupmates, either is fine if Camila's the one she gets to have beside her. 

-


End file.
